Sometimes the universe throws you a life buoy, a kick up the pants, a what were you thinking kind of reminder that this is the real deal and you only get one go at it.
A few weeks ago I applied for a very sensible, potentially-soul-destroying job which would have ticked all the boxes financially and none when it comes to wish fulfilment. Fortunately I didn't get it.
What I did get very loud and clear was the huge feeling of relief which swept over me when I heard that out of the very high, calibre applicants, I was one of the unsuccessful ones.
Later in a warm bath with a glass of red and my dearly beloved, I confessed that if I had got the job I would have had to switch off a part of myself, a still shy part which I have spent a large proportion of my adult life coaxing out of hiding.
Less than a week after this enlightened confession something wonderful happened. An old and well connected tutor from Uni contacted me about some possible research work, qualitative research, no less. Now this I love, people and analysis and what makes you tick kind of questions. My heart soared.
Nothing may come of this, work-wise, but I have had such a revelation. It is not enough to feed ones pocket, to sell your soul for money, as a friend put it, if it is not also feeding the essence of what it means to be yourself. If a person stays true to self, then life does seem to have a wonderful way of conspiring to meet the needs of 'self-essence' and survival.
